I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
