can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
