She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
