He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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