I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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