The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sarcasm needs its own font
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
