Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
