I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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