thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
