I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
