I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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