all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
