That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
