Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize