How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
