So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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