He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
