He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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