today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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