yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
