The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
