dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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