just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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