Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We talked him into tasing himself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
