dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
