i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
