i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
