my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
