Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
