Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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