I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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