dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
