He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
