She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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