but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
