do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
