Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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