She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
