I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
