i don't like sucking hair
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
