I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
