after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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