Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
