I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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