i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
