rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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