about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize