i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
