When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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