I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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