Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
