I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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