I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
