yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
