You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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