she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
