So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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