Jerry, you need to find god
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
