I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
