I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
