I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
