i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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