I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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