why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Randomize
