my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
