Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
