Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
