His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize