she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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