do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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