You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
