This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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