Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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