Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
