Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
