A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
